How To Mend A Broken Heart

Loving again is often the hardest thing to do after you’ve had your heart broken. Allowing yourself the opportunity, space and time to process, grieve and recover from a relationship once it’s ended, is not only beneficial, but a necessary step in moving forward. While the natural inclination may be to build a wall around your heat and vow to never let anyone hurt you again, there are valuable lessons can be learned from loves that don’t last. Here are a few tips that can help you mend a broken heart.

Tip 1 – Don’t romanticize the relationship. When a relationship comes to an end, avoid the mistake of only remembering “the good times,” or the things that you miss about the person. Be honest with yourself about the good and the bad experiences that were a part of the relationship. Remember: THERE IS A REASON THAT THE TWO OF YOU ARE NO LONGER TOGETHER. Instead of simply trying to “move on,” work toward understanding some important things about the relationship, and yourself. What attracted you to a relationship with this person? Were there any “signs” that you missed or chose to ignore that let you know that the two of you were not compatible? Is there any emotional baggage ( i.e. jealousy, insecurity, low self-esteem) that you may have come into the relationship with that may have contributed to the relationship’s demise? The more objective you can be about the relationship (and your role within it), the better chance you have of being able to utilize the relationship as a stepping stone toward a happier, healthier one in the future. Tip 2 – Take stock of what you’ve learned. Although the relationship didn’t go the distance, it doesn’t mean that the lessons that you learn from the experience can’t. As you explore the various aspects of your relationship (as outlined in Tip 1), take the next step and apply what you’ve learned. If you allowed yourself to take a gamble on a less than ideal relationship, why did you make that choice? What changes would you have to make so that you don’t make the same choice in a future situation? If there are some previous wounds that you haven’t healed, what is stopping you from doing so and at what point will you make the decision to tend to those wounds? It is not time that heals all wounds. It is what you do with that time that heals those wounds. Take note of the things that you are doing (or not doing) that may be preventing you from moving on. If you find that you are having difficulty working this step, spend a little more time working on Tip 1. Tip 3 – Be open to give & receive love again. Don’t re-injure yourself or deepen the wound by closing yourself off to love. By the same token, don’t rush into a new relationship too quickly either. Doing so only increases the likelihood that you’ll make many of the same mistakes that you did in the previous relationship and find yourself even more deeply hurt and disappointed by yet another broken heart. Instead, go slowly and use what you’ve learned from your previous relationships to your advantage. Equally important, don’t hold your new love responsible for the pain and heartache that you may have previously experienced. Remind yourself as often as necessary that they are not your ex and that the only common denominator between your old love and your new one is Y-O-U. If you see any similarities between them, then go back to Tip 1 and start from the beginning ( i.e. what contributes to your choosing the same kind of mate over and over again?). If you have difficulty arriving at the answer, seek out a qualified professional that may be able to assist you. Above all, understand that a relationship coming to an end doesn’t mean that either of you are bad people. It simply means that you need different things in order to be satisfied in a relationship. The end of a relationship is a sign that your needs are looking to be filled. Honor yourself by refusing to settle for a relationship that doesn’t have the ability to nourish you in the ways you need it to the most.

My Girl Spirit from Obvious Mag wrote this and it is helping me to heal!